So, what do you do?

Somewhere along the line, this blog became more or less a weekly column. I kind of like having that format attached to it. Let's make it official. Sunday night is now my official weekly post night. I might still throw in a bonus once in a while, but I'll make a commitment to you, my faithful reader: If you come by Monday morning, I'll have something new for you.

From time to time I have special moments with my son that catch me totally by surprise. It's usually witnessing a developmental milestone, like the first time he called me "Daddy." I'm still not convinced he really knows what that means, since he walks around the house saying "daddy, daddy!" to nobody in particular, but that was one of those times when I felt so happy to be a dad, and so totally in love with my little boy. A couple of months ago, when he was sick and we were in the waiting room at the doctor's office, we read a book together and he pointed out all the round objects in the pictures ("Ball! Ball!"). That was another one. This afternoon as I was leaving for work, I crouched down and spread my arms for a hug. I do this a lot. I say, "Hug?" and Xander looks at me and then goes wandering off after a ball or some crumbs on the kitchen floor. But not today. Today he walked right into my open arms and I gave him a big hug. Then when I let him go, he said, "Bye!" I probably could have cried, I was so happy.

I need these moments in my life to remind me of the reason I'm doing all the crazy work and school stuff I'm doing. It's not about me any more. I'm working 30+ hours while a full-time, professional student so that some day I won't have to be this busy. I'm doing all this so my son can be raised by his parents, not a nanny or a daycare. If it means I have to go days at a time without seeing them, it will all some day be worth it. Some people have a clear calling for their lives. They want to be pharmacists (or engineers, or astronauts, or presidents) from their early childhoods and never imagine doing something else. These are the people that would do their job even if it didn't pay anything. I admire people like that, but that will never be me. I'm not going to pharmacy school because it fulfills me. I think I'll contribute to society when I'm a pharmacist, and the field interests me, and I feel good about both of those things. I don't expect to have any difficulty doing it for the rest of my life. But if I won the PowerBall tomorrow, I probably wouldn't go on to be a career pharmacist. I'd finish school; I've invested too much time to back out now. I might even practice for a while, to make myself feel like I'd accomplished something. I just don't feel like my career as a pharmacist, or as anything else, will ever define me. Whatever I end up "doing with my life" will be secondary. To me, what I do with my life will be raising my family. That's my number one priority. Pharmacy is a means to that end. It's the best means I can find, because I don't know anybody who pays you to be a dad.

Since I'm hopelessly off on a tangent anyway, I might as well keep going. See, I think our society views work too seriously. One of the first questions you ask somebody when you meet them is, "So, what do you do?" And the answer? I'm an accountant. I work for IBM. I own my own business. I'm a poker dealer.

I don't blame people for asking, or for answering this way, because I do it, too. It's a social value. What you do to earn your living is one of the major characteristics of a person. But maybe it shouldn't be. What do I do? I chase my boy around the house. I play Cribbage and Scrabble with my wife. I love Wii Fit. I write a crappy little blog that so far has made ten dollars from advertisements but that fulfills me ten times more than the job that puts food on my table and a roof over my head. I tip well, I try not to speak negatively about other people, and I go to church every Sunday (even when it means I only get four hours of sleep).

I don't know if I'm trying to say we should change the way we make small talk. We probably shouldn't. Our society isn't based on forming substantial relationships with everyone you meet. What I'm trying to say is that we should stop defining ourselves, and our close friends and family, by how they earn a living. A job is a job. If you're one of the lucky ones who gets paid to do the thing they love the most, good for you. You're still allowed to answer that question with your job title. For the vast majority of us, I think we should change the way we think. My wife hasn't worked since May. When people ask me what she does, I proudly tell them that she's a stay-at-home mom. And I'm not embarassed to say that. I'm jealous of her.

Thanks for stopping by, and I'll see you next week.